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Tatkin has seen many online dating success stories.But, like other ways of meeting someone, he says it’s a “roll of the dice.” It’s important to carefully vet a prospective mate and avoid feeling too familiar too quickly.This happens because recovery from addiction is necessarily a selfish thing.At first, the newly sober person is flooded with new feelings and sensations, and has a terrible time keeping them from overwhelming him. Intimacy is the word that best describes the closeness that makes relationships work.Does this person share your interests and have the characteristics you’re looking for in a partner? It takes approximately a year to know another person as separate from our fantasies about them and us.So the proper etiquette is to be a stranger, which is what you are.” Compounding the fact that we know very little about a date, our brains release a powerful cocktail of arousing chemicals, compromising our judgment and making us more vulnerable to danger. Tatkin describes it, at the mercy of chemicals that drive us to procreate.
In early recovery, time spent figuring out who you really are is the best way to find someone to complement your sober life. As your brain and body heal from drug abuse, it can be tempting to replace the high of alcohol and other drugs with the flood of chemicals like norepinephrine, dopamine, phenylethylamine (a natural amphetamine), estrogen and testosterone that create the “high” of new romantic love.For some, relationships and sex emerge as an addictive behavior.If you’re a distancer, it may be a good idea to signal that early.
If you are someone who tends to cling, that too may be good to announce fairly early.Ask yourself: Would you feel confident introducing this person to your friends or family?